Facebook has really evolved into something great for me over the years. I remember way back in the day when Facebook was only for college students and just starting to gain popularity. Now, years later, it has become an important interface for millions. There are still those out there than “don’t get it” and that’s ok. It’s not for everyone. But, I’ve discovered that Facebook has an awesome power to heal past hurts.
Every person has that one memory of a B.F.F. that said something hurtful which resulted in the two going separate ways, or past relationships ending in a confusing way, or … fill in the blank. I was just talking to a friend a few Friday’s ago. She spoke of her best friend and how they were sooo close. Until, my friend made a single decision. The decision caused an enormous misunderstanding, the two had a blow out fight, the other girl said a lot of mean things, and my friend was left with a huge hurt in her heart. I could see it in her eyes as she spoke – the confusion, sadness, anger, frustration, vulnerability. It happens all the time.
I too have my share of past hurts. One in particular takes up many pages in my upcoming book. Late in my sophomore year of high school I experienced a perfect storm. A group of not-great friends of mine turned on me in a flash for a single decision I made (what I thought was for the greater good at the time). Let’s just say the result was disastrous and not one I ever could have imagined beforehand. The ramifications from this decision were huge and came to light one night when a bunch of young teens had a face-off to see who was more macho or whatever. Things were said, actions were made, scars were inevitable. In fact, this one night changed my life forever. It was this moment in time that made me wake up from my downer teen years and realize maybe there was a different way of living. Like, a healthier one?
It took a long time of thinking of every detail again and again, talking about it, writing about it, etc. before I finally came to a resting place of peace. I look back on this night’s events now and have no real feeling one way or the other about. I can’t deny the impact it had on my life or that it did consume a lot of my thoughts – I take that experience with me and keep it close. You don’t need to forget something like this happened or pretend you’re better than it now. Allow it to take its place in your past and become a better person for it.
My point? Several months ago, you’ll never guess what happened. The two main culprits of this time gone over 10 years ago came back into my life thanks to Facebook. One was a girl and she initiated a friend request. I’ll never forget the day back in November of ’09. I wasn’t sure what to do! It was a simple friend request so no mention of all the suffering she caused way back then. I sent her a message to feel out the situation and her response astounded me. She had no recollection of what happened, sincerely apologized, shared some lessons she learned from high school and thanked me for initiating the topic. How awesome is that!! After all these years, all the ideas of what happened and why…finally resolved and a closed chapter. A month later, the second person sent me a message apologizing. Wow. And I can tell you that even since then, more ghosts have presented themselves, more past hurts healed, more closure, more peace.
Knowing all of this and the awesome power of Facebook, I suggested to my friend a few Friday’s ago that she should initiate a discussion with her ex-B.F.F. Life is too short to carry judgment and pain in your heart long-term. It causes dis-ease. She immediately snapped out of her painful memory and sharply said, “No way!” And that is ok. Resolving past hurts is not something everyone can do. As a friend put it recently, not everyone is like me. That too is ok and a good thing. I have seen first-hand the unmatched power of healing past hurts. Logically now it makes no sense that we would hold on to all that pain for so long. It absolutely affects our current relationships – usually for the worse.
So today, I encourage you to think back on the people in your life who you still wonder about. What would have happened, or why did we lose touch, or what if we could be friends again. You never know unless you try. Most are too scared to make the first step, but someone has to eventually right? Wrong. Some people will go their whole lives knowing they will never heal that past hurt – zero intention of feeling better about it – and are ok to live their lives carrying that misery. I know someone like this and blows my mind. But, we have to respect all people for the decisions they choose to make. We don’t have the right to look down on people – it is their life afterall.
If you feel to take a chance, send that “someone” a note asking what happened and you’re sorry if you ever did anything that wasn’t on the up and up. To clarify, I mean for the people you miss. If someone wronged you and deserve to not be in your life anymore, let it be.
Thanks Facebook for what you’ve done in my life!