I have found people rarely admit they need help even when they are desperate for it. There have been times in my life that I felt so terrified of life and its outcomes. One of my greatest outlets in high school was a journal. I wrote day after day trying to release all of the loneliness, hurt, anger and depression I felt.
August 3rd, 2000 – “My heart is heavy and the doors are closed. My my mind remains empty of thought. I have been tangled in the veins of reputation. Why are these veins choking me so tightly? Who will give me the answers I need to heal my soul of this darkness? I have been looking for people to be here in my time of pain, but no one has responded.”
After looking back on all of the suffering that now seems unfamiliar, I wondered what, if anything, would have happened if I had just asked for help or told someone the Truth of how I felt. It seems so obvious to me now that life would have been much easier, but then again, I have never been one to take the easy path. I could have sped up the process of healing, or possibly skipped it all together.
March 24th, 2000 – “I feel so lonely right now. I don’t want my mom to know how I will feel out of fear that she will be mad I am so weak.”
If only I had trusted more. If only it hadn’t taken two years after that entry to start opening up to my parents. I have found when I go inside of myself and let the pain fester, it only prolongs the healing process.
June 20th, 2000 – “I look to the stars for answers to calm my soul. Why have I let these past times affect me so deeply? I need someone to talk to. But who will listen? I have held onto these feelings for so long that I do not know how to let them go. I am so afraid and insecure. Every time I have tried to express these feelings, I feel stupid – like they aren’t important enough to say, but I know I need to tell someone. Maybe then my chains will be released and I can be free to laugh and be myself once more.”
I see people around me going through life, trying to survive and do it correctly. People who feel like a failure or have family problems; people who feel they will never be good enough or people who give up too easily. They all share the same desire which is to find a place of rest, peace, love, and ease. It’s that place of wishful thinking that helps us to get through the painful and uncompromising times because we have hope that is truly does exist. After all confusion and hurt fades away, people need to know there is a purpose or reason for their journey through the lonely tunnel of self-discovery.
One common denominator in the realm of personal development is that we create our own reality in a way that pushes us toward growth and rediscovery. Imagine a seed that you planted in fertile soil that will serve as a guide toward your new reality. The sprout will eventually come up in one way or another. If you are not ready to learn the lesson in front of you out of fear or denial, it will act as if you placed a heavy cement block over the fresh soil. Instead of the sprout dying, it will change course, moving around the obstacle standing in its way of reaching the sunlight, or its full potential.
That stirring in you to come home within your Self will surface in one way or another. If you continue to resist the invitations to move forward, there are no judgments, only new opportunities later down your path to realize your true sense of Self.